How to Educate Effectively: A New Reading of the Passover "Four Sons" Allegory

I have always felt uncomfortable when reading the Four Sons section of the Haggadah – the part where four sons, representing four types of personalities, ask questions about the Passover rituals, and we give a different answer to each son. There’s the “Wise Son” [hacham], the “Wicked Son” [rasha], the “Simpleton” [tam], and the One Who Does Not Know How to Ask – each one of them is basically asking us to explain what we are doing on the night of Passover, but each one receives a different answer.

My problem has always been with the answer given to the “Wicked Son.”
The “Wicked Son” asks:

What is this service to you?!

And according to the traditional text, our response should be:

He says 'to you', but not to him! By thus excluding himself from the community he has denied that which is fundamental. You, therefore, must blunt his teeth and say to him: "'It is because of this that G-d did for me when I left Egypt'; 'for me' — but not for him! If he had been there, he would not have been redeemed!"

The festive and happy mood of Passover is marred by this harsh and vindictive response. Not only is it cruel and mean-spirited, but it seems the most uneducational way to treat a rebellious student. Why “blunt his teeth”? Why hurl at him these nasty statements that only serve to demean him and thus reinforce his feeling of being excluded? Admittedly, the way he phrases the question – using the pronoun you ["what is this service to you"] – suggests that he is perhaps making a rhetorical statement, criticizing and making fun of the rituals, rather than asking an honest question. But aren’t all children – in some stage of their lives – rebellious?

I have always thought that this type of response reflects poorly more on the people who give such responses than the people who ask these questions. Would it not be more productive if – instead of blunting his teeth – we were to engage the rasha in conversation and try to show him the meaning of Passover? Obviously, this son has issues with religion -- would it not be more educational to address those issues, and think of ways to make the religious rituals more attractive and meaningful to him?

In life we are bound to encounter people who are mean-spirited, and mock the ideas and values that we cherish. Inevitably, we will hear people making racist remarks and stereotypical statements. What should be our reaction? Should we metaphorically blunt their teeth? Should we lower ourselves to their level and hurl back at them nasty ad hominem accusations?

The Haggadah’s traditional response is no way to effectively educate youngsters, and it is certainly not productive when dealing with adults. But there is an alternative way to address these types of situations.

A productive and educational way can be learned from the father of President Obama. Obama’s father, also named Barack, found himself in a situation where he had every right to literally blunt the teeth of a man who made a terribly-insulting racist remark, yet Barack Obama Sr. chose a different path. Here is the story, as recounted by President Obama in his book Dreams from My Father:

According to the story, after long hours of study, my father had joined my grandfather and several other friends at a local Waikiki bar. Everyone was in a festive mood, eating and drinking to the sounds of slack-key guitar, when a white man abruptly announced to the bartender, loudly enough for everyone to hear, that he shouldn’t have to drink good liquor “next to a nigger.” The room fell silent and people turned to my father, expecting a fight. Instead, my father stood up, walked over to the man, smiled and proceeded to lecture him about the folly of bigotry, the promise of the American dream, and the universal rights of man. “This fella felt so bad when Barack [Obama’s father] was finished,” Grampa would say, “that he reached into his pocket and gave Barack a hundred dollars on the spot. Paid for all our drinks and puu-puus for the rest of the night —and your dad’s rent for the rest of the month.

Obama’s father must have had to restrain himself not to punch that white racist in the face. Obama Sr. certainly could have cursed the guy and called him names - and that would be understandable. But, instead, he engaged in conversation that had a transformative effect on the man. Did Barack Obama Sr. have any assurances that the white man will admit his mistake and publicly acknowledge what a terrible blunder he had committed? Of course not, as you can never be certain - in advance - that a civilized conversation will have the power to make people see things in a different light. Yet, if you don’t try- and you go the route of blunting teeth and throwing insults – one thing is certain: That approach will never succeed in changing people’s opinions. People will never be open to seeing a different side of an issue, a new perspective, if they are being insulted, demeaned or accused. It’s only through the difficult path of continued conversation and mutual engagement that people slowly change their perceptions and opinions.

So I looked for a new commentary on the Four Sons, and I found a wonderful new interpretation by Rabbi Zalman Schachter Shalomi. Employing a bit of literary license, Rabbi Zalman transforms the Four Children into representatives of four different religious types that are commonly found in today’s Jewish community:

The Torah speaks of Four Children:
One a lamden / Sharp Student,
One a chossid / high Emotional Quotient,
One a tamim / Good One, and
One she-ayn lo shum s’fekut u’b'eyot / One Who Does Not Doubt or Question.

The Sharp Student, what does he say? “What are the testimonies, the statutes and the laws which YHVH our God has commanded you” (Deut. 6:20). So you shall answer the student according to the capacity of the student’s sharpness of wit.

The High Emotional Quotient one, what does he say? “What is this service to you?” (Exodus 12:26). So you will make an effort to reign in his longings, for he also wants to be a part of the integrity and perfection that comes with meaningful rituals. If you are loving, then he will understand devekut / cleaving, and he will get a taste of what it means to feel close to God.

The Good one, what does he say? “What is this?” (Exodus 13:14), and so you shall bear witness to him from your own experience, that hashem yitbarach is assisting you with ‘a strong hand’, to take you out and to take him out of Mitzrayim.

The One who does not question, you will feed him some maror / horseradish, so he will feel his friends’ troubles and so that compassion will be instilled in his heart.

Reb Zalman has transformed the “wicked son” into a “high Emotional Quotient" meaning someone who does not appreciate rituals and his Judaism is mainly about emotions and feelings, singing and dancing. He is energetic and emotional, and does not understand the need for all these rituals. Put in more broader context, it’s the student who has many friends and is active in sports and extra-curricular activities, but lacks the discipline for the long-hours of studying that are a requirement for success in education.

And what a beautiful answer! According to Reb Zalman, the appropriate response is to invest a lot of time and effort with the student – helping him understand the importance of studying and discipline. This is the parshanut – the commentary – to the Four Sons parable that is certainly more productive and educational!